New Brew

Obama's Face On A Tortilla! The Brew

New Brew; YouTube Finds; Lent Results

NEW BREW

I just posted Dan Morgan's look at why people should change their vocabulary from Love to Lust on The Brew.

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YOUTUBE FINDS

Found some great stuff on YouTube last night.
Alanis Morrisette's cover of "My Humps." Hilarious.
MadTV skit of The Terminator meeting Jesus.
MadTV skit somehow putting Iraq together with Apple Computers. Pretty creative.
The best of Ralph Wiggum from The Simpsons.

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LENT RESULTS

So here’s what happened after my ‘no TV’ Lent.

I finished six books: To Own a Dragon, and Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller; The Book Of The Dun Cow, and The Book Of Sorrows by Walter Wangerin, Jr.; Blessed Assurance by Randall Balmer; The Devil In The White City by Erik Larson.

I also got out of the habit of passively watching TV (spending most of a Sunday afternoon or a late night channel surfing). I watched the few shows I was truly into (Lost and The Office) but was left slightly wanting after each episode. Neither seemed as good as I remembered them being.

I might go so far as to say the desire to blow some time watching TV went away. Kind of like curing yourself of some bad habit or desire.

A friend told me he began reading Piper’s Future Grace. I read it back in college but was only looking for one certain thing during that time of life (some kind of relief from depression). But Piper’s idea of prizing the pleasure of God so much that you would loose the desire to cling to some lesser thing, say some sin or something, came back to me.

I feel like I kind of did this during the Lent season. It reminded me of how someone can take initiative to improve their faith, their spirituality or their relationship with God. I haven’t done that kind of thing in a while, though I now feel like I can.

So I’m going to re-read Grace and see what happens. Maybe it’ll be another step back into the faith that I’m re-entering.

New Brew

You'll never believe it: Thomas Kinkade, Painter of Light, finished art school! The Brew

So Funny...

A pretty good rant on the the Coffee Chain That Shall Remain Nameless.

New Brew; The Funny Pages

I posted a release about an upcoming Al Gore film on penguins baking in the sun on The Brew.
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Funny Pages

So there was just a lot of funny stuff happening to me lately.
So here’s some of it.

License plates I’ve seen at my church: XRAY MAN; GRUMPZ.

A solution to the Chick-fil-A problem: A friend’s Dad suggested this: Have those Moroccans start wearing turbans when they park in the lot. Have them take pictures of the restaurant when the employees come out. And then say, “Hey, I’ve got to run to the bank. But if my Land Rover starts smoking….Well, never mind.”

I went to check out The Village church in suburban DFW (Dallas/Fort Worth) with a good buddy of mine and his wife. We went to a Mexican restaurant beforehand and ate; and we drank.
I had a Amaretto Meltdown. And I was a little melted afterwards. The drink was more potent than I thought. So I was pretty happy when I sat down in the double-wide chair in The Village sanctuary. The music seemed a little loud and pounding.

A Sonic ad board read: “Loosen your belts. We’ve got double patty melts.”

I saw plastic eggs in an Easter egg hunt painted camouflage and hidden in the grass and bushes.

My church had a dramatic reading of parts of the gospel of John on Good Friday. Naturally, those involved wore all black. A song popped into my head that I didn’t tell anyone about. The song was “Back in Black” by ACDC.

New Brew

I just posted an saddening article on The Brew about how gangs are taking over our octogenarians in South Dallas. Read it a weep.

The Dump....

So I always end up finding lots of interesting crap while I'm online. Here's some of the more stand-out stories.

A Caffeinated Donut.

Time magazine trying to be clever with Albert Mohler when he is diagnosed with cancer.

Rueters reports on a mental health bill working through congress that would make insurance companies add coverage for mental health issues.

Two clowns (no joke) shot dead at a circus in Columbia.

Borat a human rights victim?

The Worst of the Worst Movie Awards on Rotten Tomatoes.

Obama as Christ?

This last one brought back memories for me. A videographer from San Francisco is reportedly 'soon to be released' after being jailed for almost a year on charges of contempt for not releasing a video of a San Fran cop getting injured during an Anarchist Action rally. The video, though long, shows an anarchist's rally in San Fran. The section in question comes towards the end, when a cop has to subdue a protester and someone thrusts what looks like a pole at the officer.
The video brought back memories for me of when I covered a huge anti-war rally in Chicago. This video of the San Fran equivalent is interesting to watch if you've never experienced a protest rally.

Enjoy.

New Brew

So I posted April's editorial on The Brew today. I don't want to say too much about it because it might take away from the experience. So have at it.

Depression Series # 9 - Re-Entering The Faith

So this is the final article in my depression series ( got a little sidetracked this past weekend). But this article was originally published in the December issue of The Brew. This probably best describes where I'm at now.

Re-Entering The Faith (Dec. '06)

I recently began rereading a collection of Søren Kierkegaard’s spiritual writings, Provocations. To call it a breath of fresh air wouldn’t do justice to how much of a climax of sorts this has been for my faith.

I haven’t reached the top of some great mountain of affirmation in my faith or received from God an invigorating revelation that would plot out the rest of my life and service to him.

I’ve just realized that it’s probably safe to pick up my faith again after letting it go for a couple of years.

Like many others who struggle with some mental illness, I put my faith aside for a while in order to deal with the issues going on my life. I decided not to think through whether I was a pre-tribulation Calvinist or whether I was following God’s plan for my life. I was just going to exist for a while and see what happened.

After struggling with depression for years, I realized that my faith was part of the problem, and I took steps to fix the problem. Or, more accurately, I stopped taking steps forward in my faith.

There are a myriad of ways that a person’s faith plays a huge role in his or her struggles with depression, bi-polar and obsessive compulsive disorder, or any other of the hundreds of mental illness that exist. People can be imprisoned by an overactive sense of guilt or by a need to perform every task, sometimes repeatedly, perfectly. And some forms of faith only amplify these problems.

So for the last few years, I didn’t do anything to stand out or strive towards some new spiritual goal. I still attended church, but I pretty much sat in the back and didn’t attract too much attention. I didn’t talk to too many people about faith, Christ, spirituality, or, especially, theology. I avoided anything that would make me say or decide something definitive about my faith.

I’ve had many conversations with a professional counselor at a Christian college in Chicago about how he helped students, and employees of the college, to figure out how to fix their problems. In many cases, he suggested that maybe the people should leave the college. I couldn’t believe he suggested this until I realized how similar to the Church is to a Christian college, replete with all the same conflicts, sinners and issues. And then I saw the wisdom in that suggestion.

For some, letting go of their faith involves not attending church anywhere and stopping a relationship with God or even cutting all ties with Christianity. And why not? If someone’s faith is what is causing all the problems, then it would be masochistic to hold on to that which keeps hurting you.

I couldn’t do this, though. Even though my faith was a large part of my struggle with depression, I also knew that it was also, ironically, the solution to it. And the truly masochistic move would be to run away because I would always end in the same place, beaten down, broken and hurt. Nothing I would cling to could fix my depression or my disgust with American Christianity would ever really work or assuage my anger.

So years go by without any major actions or decisions in regards to my faith and things begin to get easier. Counseling helped me sort through issues and my church fed and nurtured me in spite of its apparent failures. The Bible began to make more sense to me; it guided and encouraged my faith. Prayer began to seem less like dropping a coin in a fountain.

My faith in the Church, and more importantly, in Christ’s power to heal and restore us, has grown more solid. I feel a little more comfortable talking about my faith, spirituality and even some theology because it has become more real during my time away from it.

So as I continue to read Kierkegaard, I can not only identify with the existential angst that he so eloquently put into words, but also the hope that faith can truly help fix my mental illness.

“Teach me, oh God, not to torture myself and not to make a martyr of myself in suffocating introspection, but to take a deep and wholesome breath of faith!”

- Søren Kierkegaard

Flummoxed....

A friend of a friend of my little sister's called me tonight and started crying.
We had talked in the past because she struggled with depression and some other things.

She said she couldn't get a hold of someone else who she usually calls (She had been calling me throughout the week but I hadn't been able to return the call). She then told me she was thinking about killing herself.

I ended up talking to her for around a half hour and doing what I could. I told all these things she was thinking about doing might give her a high or numb her but they wouldn't really help her. I tried to reason with her about stuff that was stressing her out (like finals tomorrow) and how those things weren't as important as her mental health.

I gave her some healthy advice (Go to the emergency room) because I'm not a psychologist and I can only do so much for her. I told her this, but she even admitted to being stubborn and not listening to people trying to help her. (She'd been hospitalized before for some kind of mental illness and would 'never go back because being there made her go more crazy'.)

I told her that I didn't know what else I could do for her if she didn't listen to me. I can't help her like she needs. I told her to call me again if she needed to.

And here's where I'm at with it all: I don't know her well enough to know if this was for real or if it was just to get some attention. I tried not to get emotionally involved (something I'm guessing good counselors do) and stay calm and try to feel her out. I called my sister (someone she kind of knows and is in the geographical vicinity) to see if she knew of someone to check on this girl.

I'm thinking that maybe she wasn't for real. I did what I could to help her and then called others who might be able to help her better.

If you guys want to pray, her name is Shana and she's in Dayton, OH.

Anyone with counseling experience, what's you professional opinion?

Kierkegaard; Depression Series # 8 - Giving Up on Answers...

Kierkegaard on obedience:

"Oh God, teach me so deeply to understand myself that I may understand how utterly impossible it is to be satisfied with the mere fact that I am master of my own destiny, and that there is no satisfaction and joy and happiness for a person except obedience."

On Passion:

"Longing is the umbilical cord of the higher life."

"It is a great question whether those whom God cannot make mad have ever really existed for God."

"Authentic religion has to do with passion, with having passion. Sadly, there are thousands who take a little something out of religion, and then dispassionately "have religion."

- All quotes taken from Provocations ( a best of collection of Kierkegaard's spiritual writings.
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Depression Series # 8

Giving Up On Answers And Suspending Judgment

I finished God in the Dark by Os Guiness this week and was humbled and changed. Reading Guiness’ answer to the question of ‘Why, O Lord?’ put something into words that I had been struggling with for a while. It was an idea that helped me deal with the suicide of a friend a year and a half ago.

Clark Stacy killed himself in March of ’05 while I was still a crime reporter in Chicago. Two years prior at Moody, I was his resident assistant but kept up with him after I graduated. I was naturally shocked when I heard the news on my way to work the overnight shift.

During a lull around 2 a.m., I did what I could to corroborate the news. I found online the small newspaper in Tennessee that ran his obituary the day after the suicide. I instantly thought of what I could do to find out more. I could look up the local medical examiner, hospital, or sheriff’s office. A friend had called me to fill me in but any news story had to be corroborated. I had to get the facts myself.

An hour later, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to get any info. Why would anyone from small-town Tennessee talk to some small newswire reporter from Chicago? And if this was a suicide, no one would be talking about it anyway. I considered all the other roadblocks to getting information. I also considered my need to direct a sole reporter to best cover the city for the next 7 hours.

I stopped trying to find answers through reportorial means. Instead, for about two months I turned to the community that he and I used to be part of: Moody Bible Institute. I went to a sort of memorial chapel, talked to his friends still there and then listened to some crazy drama involving professors at MBI and Clark’s parents.

The man who counseled Clark at MBI was just as dumbfounded. I didn’t ask, but the counselor gave me his professional opinion (which I wasn’t going to ask about for obvious reasons). I felt privileged that he told me what he did but I still couldn’t figure out why it all happened.

More months went by and I gave up trying to find answers. My anger burned out and I knew that I would never have the answer that I wanted. I was just going to have to accept that and somewhere in the back of my head, try to accept that God was all that I was taught he was.

And then comes Guiness to tell me this:
“It is difficult to hold an impersonal universe personally responsible, and nothing less than personal responsibility will do. The only remaining option is to call God to the bar and charge him with the injustice of suffering that is otherwise inexplicable. Through doubt we can get even with God.”

So where does that leave me? What am I to do? Believe that God is good?

Guiness told me that “To suspend judgement on why something is happening is not the same as denying that something is happening. The former is faith, the latter is repression, which should have no part in the Christian faith.”

His idea is that you don’t know why but you can know why you trust God who knows why. You suspend judgment of God who knows why.

Guiness concludes by stating that all doubts about the Father are silenced in the Son, to which no suffering can be compared.

There’s not much to say after that.

New Brew Link; Coffee Master Threatens Church

I posted a YouTube video of Mark Driscoll speaking on the Emerging/Emergent movements for Desiring God Ministries (which Driscoll classifies as Emerging) on the Culture Tab of The Brew.
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Coffee Master Threatens Church


For the past three months, I have blessed the college class at my church with some potent nourishment to enhance their spiritual lives: a tasty brew from the coffee chain that shall remain nameless. The caffeine and taste of the coffee quickens their minds to better soak in the teachings each week.

However, two deacons from the church are unhappy that out of the many pots of Folgers made each week for the entire congregation’s coffee break, a different kind of coffee is made. When a certain Coffee Master enters the kitchen and asks if he can make a batch from coffee that he brought for the college class, looks of distrust and hissing are thrown his way. This sort of behavior baffles, especially since the lover of coffee leaves his Coffee Master black apron at home, so as not to brag.

In more recent times, other congregants, under the guise of introducing themselves to the Coffee Master (who is about to take his pot of Arabica-based bliss to his college class), have dipped into the blessings meant for the elect. That week, the Coffee Master (CM) had to brew another batch, for the college students were wringing and shaking the coffee pot to the last drop for nourishment.

Vexed CM was speechless another week when a deacon, who goes by the name “Lurch,” attempted to pull a bait and switch with two coffee pots. One contained the liquid that can truly quench the thirst and another contained merely stale, Folgers-smelling air. “Your coffee is ready,” stated Lurch, handing off the odorous coffee pot. CM, noticing the lightness of the pot, looked at Lurch, who, unable to hide his sin, confessed: “I’m just kidding. Here’s the ‘special’ stuff.”

The saga continued this week when CM brought a pound and a half of blessed beans to be used for the entire church. Lurch was in the kitchen when CM dropped off the ground beans. “I brought some beans so everybody can have the ‘special stuff.’

Lurch: (with an insulted and offended look) Starbucks?!

CM: (in the most gracious and forgiving spirit that overlooks any kind of brewing transgression) Yeah. You can use it if you want.

The conversation continued when CM returned to the kitchen during the coffee break between services.

Lurch: People don’t like your stuff.

CM: What are you talking about?

Lurch: I got complaints about your stuff. People say they can see all the way through the coffee. They say it’s like tea. They might as well be drinking tea.

CM: Really?

Lurch: It was just one person that complained. I put one Styrofoam cup full of your stuff in for a full batch (which equals around 15 cups of coffee) and it looks like tea. (Turning to someone currently taking from the wasted batch of flavored water) Do you get any taste out of that? It’s…Starbucks.

Unfortunate Congregate Duped Into Drinking The Dreadful Attempt At Coffee: It’s almost like tea.

CM: (Again, putting on the gracious, forgiving air and not saying how Lurch sabatoged the ‘special stuff’ on purpose because he doesn’t like some young punk kid with a wicked gotee trying to force some non-fair trade coffee into the mist of the chosen) Oh, okay.

Lurch: No one likes the ‘special stuff’ so I’m going back to the good stuff (pointing to the plastic gallon bucket holding the silly robusta-based Folgers).

CM: (Seeing that some indecipherable foreign mixture known as Breakfast Blend was too much of a change for Lurch) Is there a pot ready for me to make some for the college class?

New Brew

I just posted new author Luke Raad's assessment of how Emergent's do theology: "How To Think Like An Emergent." The Brew.

Chick-fil-A Vol. 2; New Brew; Depression Series # 7

Chick-fil-A Vol. 2
The aforementioned woman from the restaurant beside the coffee chain that shall remain nameless has been reported to have called the corporate office. The corporate office then called the local district manager of the coffee chain, who left an official sign stating that employees could no longer park in the next door lot.

This is the last fact that can be confirmed, though many rumors abound. Some say that the beef-less restaurant will refuse service to coffee chain employees (yet to be confirmed). Others have stated that woman/parking-lot-attendant has stickers/cards that she places on vehicles belonging to coffee employees or customers who park in the lot. The aforementioned Moroccans told said woman what they thought of her asking them to move their cars from the lot (it was said to have involved profanity). Coffee chain customers have been asked by woman while in coffee store or outside at the cafe tables to move their vehicles from the lot.
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New Brew
I posted Dan's unromantic look at the Emergent/ing movement on The Brew. It may be a little bawdy for some, but check it out nonetheless.
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Depression Series # 7
I wrote this essay recently after reading a great book by Os Guiness, God In The Dark. A great book for anyone who's dealt with doubt or depression.
Remembering

“In keep open lines to the past, the redeemed memory carries encouragement and conveys warnings and lessons to faith as faith is engaged in fighting at the front line of battle that is the present moment.”
-Os Guiness, God in the Dark.

This comes from the third chapter of Guiness’ book, entitled “Forgetting to Remember: Doubt from Ingratitude.” Reading this book has been revolutionary. What’s crazy is that I feel like (and sound like) I did almost eight years ago as I was starting my Bible school education. Every book was mind-shattering and life-altering.

I remember those days and look back fondly on them, though nowadays I’d say I’m very far from them. I don’t long for that pure milk of anything and gasp when some new truth is revealed to me. I more just long to continue on and not be dragged back into a depressed state that finds it’s cure in never-ending entertainment. God is still there and Christ has still saved me; I’m still redeemed and am being regenerated but I don’t quite feel like it. I’m accustoming myself to having feelings again and trying to sort them out after having turned them off.

I realized that my faith somehow keeps going, inspite of everything that I think would shatter it. My struggles with depression, although ongoing, aren’t as crippling as they once were. Five years after I began struggling with it, I see that life has gone on and I’v figured some things out. I’ve become one of those people I knew way back when who inspired me to keep going. I saw them in their darkest times but then later on, I also saw them able to get back to some kind of functioning faith. Somehow, they were able to deal with their depression or whatever other malady and move on. Time and their faith were able to help them grow.

I’ve more than survived the last five years and that’s something I try to remind myself of. I earned a bachelor’s degree and supported myself for going on three years. I was a freakin’ reporter for the Chicago Tribune for a year. Although I didn’t succeed at this and quit after a year, I didn’t let that send running home to Mom and Dad thinking that I couldn’t accomplish anything with my struggles with depression. And now I’ve up and moved to Texas to take a chance on starting a magazine. Who knows what’ll happen next.

Depression Series # 6 - Adaptation

Here's something that is kind of about depression but is more about adaptation. I wrote this last winter while still in Chicago.

Adaptation

“The high for today will be about 42 degrees. It’s currently 41 and you’re listening to…” broadcast the radio station at around 4:15 a.m a few days ago. This was the beginning of January for Chicagoans; a mild streak of weather in what can often be the harshest season for this Midwest giant of a city. Business this week was back to booming at the coffee-chain-that-shall-remain nameless. More people were out and braving the Icelandic 40 degree temperatures and even buying frozen and iced drinks (much to the chagrin of my co-workers). People were enjoying the atypical weather.

But not two weeks earlier the city was crippled during the evening rush hour by a furious snow storm that unceremoniously dumped at least 8 inches of powder in about four hours. From about 4 p.m. on, blustery winds and blinding snow delayed commuters on their way home. Some driving home on the Eisenhower Expressway reported a four-hour commute that night. I drove downtown to pick up something from my store that night but ended up staying downtown because of the traffic and storm.

Like all who live in this great city, I had to adapt and change my plans for that night. I had planned on going back to my apartment on the northwest side and accomplishing some things that night. But an estimated three-hour tour home on Lake Shore Drive convinced me to stick it out where I was. So I decided to call some friends who were close by and catch a movie. It’s not like I would be going anywhere soon so I adapted to the situation.

Adaptation seems essential to anyone’s life, since nothing ever goes as planned (And even if it does, one must still adapt to things going better than planned). Your checking account is overdrawn; you have to adjust your spending and finagle a plan to correct your account. You figure out that the profession you studied in school is not necessarily what you can succeed at doing. God deals you some kind of malady that cripples your body, mind or confidence. So what do you do? You learn to adapt.

Why? I adapt because I’ve seen what happens to those who can’t. Some revert back to some remedial stage of life and take some dead end job that has no hint of challenging them. Or they give up on using the gifts that God has endowed them with and accept something lesser. Or sometimes they feel it better to take their own life. And while I can understand how someone could get to such a place in life, I am enraged when I see such a situation. I am enraged at God for letting such a thing happen and I am enraged for whatever other reason I can assign for a suicide. Even if I know that these reasons are nothing more than me grasping at straws to try understand something that is incomprehensible.

So many people I know get used to some kind of support system and rely completely on that system, whether they know it or not. And then when they graduate from that stage of life and move out of a certain environment, they feel like they’re drowning because they don’t know how to sustain themselves without that old environment. Sometimes the solution is to just keep treading water. Eventually, the person may be able to see their situation and learn a stroke that will help them to swim on to the next stage of life.

But sometimes the best adaptation to a situation is to stop treading water. Some people need to be brought to the end of their own ability and begin sinking down into the water. Getting to such a point leaves a person one option: hope that something outside of themselves can help save their life. As they sink further under the surface and the water seems to get darker, a person can look to God and pray for some miracle. And then the person begins to feel a strange sensation on the sides of their neck, much like Harry Potter while in an underwater game in the most current installment of that series.

Something begins growing out of their neck and they can’t help but suck in the water that is pressing all around them. Gills appear on their neck and then they open wide their mouths against all their instincts and fill their lungs with water. They slowly begin sucking in water and their lungs somehow grab the oxygen out of the water and keep it flowing through their veins.

An adaptation has occurred that enables a person to move on with their life to whatever new plans God has for them. They have survived what seemed an impossible situation and are amazed at the way God changed them for this new stage of life.

New Brew; Dallas Drama ( Not that old TV show that no one remembers)

I posted Lonnie's article on Emergents getting away from Enlightenment-influenced faith. Check it out. The Brew.
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Thus begins the long saga known as "The Parking Wars Between Chick-fil-A and The Coffee Chain That Shall Remain Nameless."

One employee of that coffee chain parked near a side door of his store, which happens to be in the side lot of an oft-smelled Chick-Fil-A restaurant. On some night last week, this employee was asked by a woman (who is most likely the wife of the owner/operator) to move his car out of the restaurant parking lot, which is for employees and customers of the restaurant. Said woman then described a violent and noisy exit by coffee chain employee into the coffee chain's parking lot two hundred feet away. (There is not signage in either parking lot that specifies any spot is reserved for either establishment.)

This same employee parked in this disputed spot again during his Saturday night shift. The aforementioned woman enters the coffee chain and then explains the previous incident to me. "I'll let it go this time," states said woman, who continues on into explaining why the parking spot (one of about ten) is for customers, etc., ad infinitum, ad nauseum.

Another employee of the coffee chain overhears the conversation and proceeds to move his car next to the previous employee's car in the controversial parking lot during his meal break. Not being able to contain himself at his feat of defiance, the second employee tells me, the supervisor for this shift, of his ingenious move. Supervisor laughs hard, but then shakes his head.

Authoritative woman then talks to the Johnny-Come-Lately about moving his car into the parking lot. Employee, having purchased foodstuffs from the restaurant in the past, responds by saying, "I'm a paying customer." "Save your receipt," says woman.

Some regular customers (Native Moroccans who are associated with a Mediterranean restaurant across the street) come to the coffee shop for their nightly card game and also park in the prized lot.

Woman confronts me while I am outside washing down outdoor cafe tables. "Is that your Land Rover over there?" I, the most professional and mature supervisor, responds with: " No. I drive a Hyundai."
"Did you know that your other employee parked his car in the lot after I already talked to you about the first employee?"
Again, mature supervisor responds with a genuine, though put on, surprised look and words: "He did? Well..."
"I see how things are," woman interrupts me and then walks back to the restaurant with an aversion to beef.

About an hour later, a red truck (later discovered to be the owner/operator's) is parked directly behind the two vehicles driven by the coffee chain employees, effectively blocking them in (but also resting in a fire lane area which can be towed after a call to the city's non-emergency number).

No more interchanges occurred and the restaurant, not being the sinful night owls that us coffee employees are, could not wait for us to close; all employees, including the owner/driver-of-erroneously-parked-red-truck, had gone home by 11:30 p.m. leaving all of North Dallas the ability to park in the debatable lot.

Coffee supervisor conversed with store manager by phone after unfolding drama and was instructed to post a sign. It reads to this day: "Do not park in Chick-filla's (et.) lot anymore." - Store manager (except on Sundays)

Survey says...

One thing they didn't cover in this survey is whether or not I'm narcissistic.

Personality Inventory
Emotional (56%)	[.........|..........]	Logical (44%)
Concerned about self (45%)	[..........|.........]	Concerned about others (55%)
Atheist (27%)	[..........|||||.....]	Religious (73%)
Loner (50%)	[....................]	Dependent (50%)
Laid-back (52%)	[....................]	Driven (48%)
Traditional (63%)	[.......|||..........]	Rebel (37%)
Impetuous (100%)	[||||||||||..........]	Organized (0%)
Engineering mind (51%)	[....................]	Artistic mind (49%)
Cynical (56%)	[.........|..........]	Idealist (44%)
Follower (46%)	[..........|.........]	Leader (54%)
Introverted (43%)	[..........|.........]	Extroverted (57%)
Conservative (69%)	[......||||..........]	Liberal (31%)
Logical (53%)	[.........|..........]	Romantic (47%)
Uninterested (56%)	[.........|..........]	Sexual (44%)
Insecure (42%)	[..........||........]	Confident (58%)
Take the test! brought to you by thatsurveysite

New Brew

I post the last part of Jamie's article on The Brew. Enjoy.

New Brew; Spam and Stats

I posted part 2 of Jamie's Good, Bad and Ugly of The Emergents article on The Brew. Check it out.
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Good news. I've had to block three spam comment posts on The Brew, which means that the magazine is generating enough traffic for advertisers to want to spam us. For once, spam means something good.

Here's Feb.'s stats:
2,168 Unique Visitors
13,000 Page Views

New Brew link; Depression Series # 5: The Most Depressing CD You'll Ever Hear

A friend (Mabul) gave me this revealing article from Salon.com on Mark Driscoll, one of the leaders of the Emerging Church. Check it out on The Brew's Culture Tab.
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Here's a more musical side of my Depression Series; an article about a depressing mix CD that I made for myself.

Depression Series # 5: The Most Depressing CD You'll Ever Hear (2004)

As the compact disc ceases spinning in my second-hand stereo, the fog that seemed to have settled over my brain has somehow lifted. The depression that plagued me as that hour-long CD began has dissipated after listening to this sanctifying music. Something in that music escorted me out of the maze of self-centered thoughts and enabled me to see that there is an entire world outside of my own small experience that I was created to participate in.

The self-created compilation CD is a grouping of some of the most depressing music I have ever heard. And I thank God for it. Somehow, by creating a playlist of downer-type music, I was able to give a form to my depression and express what I could not quite put into words.

Aimee Mann begins the mix with three tracks of her breathy and weary voice from the "Magnolia" soundtrack. "One," "Save Me," and "Wise Up" speak from the other side of some wrenching emotional turmoil with pessimism and honesty that shines a light on whatever sorrows that may exist in my own life. By being able to step back and see hurt, angst and a reason for both, I can start to understand the darker feelings that lurk underneath my radar; the feelings that I might try to hide or ignore.

More songs on the CD are merely for atmosphere and tone, but encourage the mellow state of mind needed to identify issues I may be having. Gary Jules' remake of "Mad, Mad World," Jeff Buckley's "Halleluiah," and a healthy dose of Radiohead each help me to cry out that something is wrong and then take steps to do something about it. And just in case I'm in the mood, U2's "Numb" reassures me that other people know what it's like to feel a certain way.

Yet, the point of the CD is not to make you so depressed you become paralyzed with self-absorbed thoughts. I listen to such a compilation to express what's wrong and then do something about it. That's why interspersed in the mix are songs to help turn my thoughts back to the world outside my own private prison. This world is where Christ's supernatural power can reach into my natural world and fix the self-destructive thoughts.

A large portion of these songs come from Waterdeep's "Everyone's Beautiful" album, a rare find in the mostly superficial world of contemporary Christian music. This rarely-heard band honestly addresses sin, doubt and anger in "Confessions of a Broken Down Man" and the title track from the CD. "He Will Come," which follows the other two songs, serves as a reminder of what I can look forward to in the midst of the daily battle against the small frustrations or unrealistic expectations that could drag a person down.

Also on the CD are more expressions of pain but in the context of crying out to God and asking for help. Tracks such as the driving, industrial "Chronic" by Sarah Jahn and the raw, lamenting "One Lonely Visitor" by Chevelle help with the complexities of sorting through emotions and what we think we know about God. And an obvious but much needed "Grace" by the now defunct Normals reminds me of the one supernatural gift that can trump any chemical imbalance I might have in my head.

To finish off the disc is a suite of songs from Sarah Groves' "All Right Here" album that specifically speaks about depression and God having a reason for letting some people suffer with this ailment. The last song of my compilation, being what will stay in your brain the longest after the music stops, is "You Cannot Loose My Love;" a song that admits to loosing everything from innocence to direction but never God's love.

This combination of music is what has helped so many times to express the unknown hurt that lingers some days. It is an hour-long therapy session that lets me travel into the darker regions of my psyche without getting lost. By making this CD, I could let the hurt be expressed by expert singer/songwriters and then end the compilation with a reminder of why I have so great a salvation: to let my thoughts be transformed by Christ's amazing Spirit. And whether or not I am cured of depression or end up living the rest of my life with it, this CD is a reminder that I will be a shinning example of how Christ's power is made perfect in mental weakness.