Headline News

I know it's been a while but here's the long and short of it:

I began going to counseling again this week. It knocks the wind out of me (luckily I'll only be going twice a month).

I'm taking seven of the college group members from my church to a camp to serve in the kitchen this weekend.

I made a peanut butter and jelly frappuccinno at work tonight (minus the bread). Good stuff.

I went to a wedding this past weekend but I couldn't stop thinking about divorce (only because I have to write about it this month on The Brew, not because of any opinions I have about the couple getting married).

I had three shots mixed with a little eggnog before starting work today (beginning tomorrow you can too). Good stuff.

Had a conversation with one of my roommates that ended up with us both saying how we had told our friends what a blessing it was to be living with the other one.

I flipped the bird to Dallas and it's 'Must Drive Everywhere Mentality/City Setup' when I walked to Wendy's one night for a burger that kind of sizzled.

I 'bought' Radiohead's new album off their website, which lets you pay whatever you want for the album. 'Reckoner' is an amazing track.

Brew Reconstruction; Quick Recovery; Soul Coughing

So The Brew is under construction. We're working out some technological kinks I'll be reposting August and July this month, and hopefully two more months in October.

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So I had pretty stressful day today at the Coffee Chain That Shall Remain Nameless. Afterwards, I wanted to get some booze, go home, and take a nap. I had overslept and was late to work that morning. So many other things happened to make the day trying: someone not showing up for work; more crazy yuppies wanting their coffee earlier on a Saturday morning; people wanting lots of boxes and 2.5 gallon cambros of coffee; etc.

I was able to manage everything pretty well. People didn't have to wait a ridiculous amount of time for coffee or their cambros. Trouble employees weren't as much trouble during the day. We avoided major blunders and still had our wits about us. The store was still standing when I left in the early afternoon.

And I was okay. I didn't have as much of a need to drink half a six-pack and then doze off on the couch when I got back to my apartment. So instead, I got a couple shots of Crown Royal on the rocks and finished watching Collateral. When the movie ended, I was pleasingly calm and somewhat refreshed.

This seemed to be one of the quickest recoveries from a stressful day I've ever had. I didn't want to lounge around anymore or even have more Crown Royal. One of the first thoughts I had was to do some more writing. Maybe finish that short story about a barista enjoying his last day working at a coffee chain named MilkyWayGreenbacks. I could write another scene in that novel. I could work on another piece for the writing group at my church.

It's cool to realize that you can recover better than you thought. It makes you feel more mature and well-adjusted.

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I've been discovering Soul Coughing, a now defunct alt band from the 90s, though frontman Mike Doughty is still doing solo work. They've got some great, random, obscure songs, like the Coffee Song and Buddha Rhubarb Butter. Tried to find vids on YouTube but with no luck. They're still worth listening too.

A Real Blog Update; Interesting News

Since The Brew is still down, I've some extra time on my hands. And so I thought, why not produce a real blog update? So here's some of the banal stuff I never put up on here when I have more important things to post.

The Brew is still down.

My new running shoes (bought before the car sucked all my money away) are working great. Ran about a mile and a half this afternoon around White Rock Lake (a beautiful lake and park in east Dallas) and loved it. I didn't do more because it was 95 degrees while I ran.

My two new roommates are both teachers at a small Christian school and are back to an early to bed, early to rise schedule. Whenever I close at The Coffee Chain That Shall Remain Nameless, I get up too late to see them (7:30 a.m.) and come home too late to see them (9:30-10 p.m.). It's like I've got a two bedroom all to myself.

I tried the new blueberries and cream 'beverage' with shots of espresso blended in. I woulda thought it'd be nasty, but I'm hooked now. It's really good.

I'm reading through The Man Who Was Thursday by Chesterton for the classics club at my church. It's great. When The Brew gets back to normal, I'll refer you to a great article about this book in the January issue by my bud Kevin.

I ate black beans and rice for dinner tonight. I'll probably eat the same thing tomorrow night again, since I have a new, my-car-sucked-all-my-money-away budget.

I can't go see Muse when they come to Dallas in September (again, the budget). But, MuteMath will be back here in November at the smoke-free House Of Blues. Hoorah.

My family decided to host another exchange student this year. So when I go home for Thanksgiving, I'll have a 16-year-old brother from China named Teng.

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Here's some interesting news stories I found this last week:

Aquafina bottled water comes straight from the tap.

Some messiness where TV journalism crosses the line into invasion of privacy and why NBC's Dateline program is in hot water because of their 'To Catch a Predator' series.

Oscar Critique Wraps up on The Brew; Depressed Music

I just posted Keith Ever's second part of "And The Winner Is..." on The Brew.

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So I'm in a semi-depressed state after one of those unavoidable times in life. Here's what I've been listening to (though none of the songs accurately reflect that life experience. They just provide the right kind of mood to sail through that kind of time):

Radiohead's OK Computer album
"Hang Me Out To Dry", "Hospital Bed", and "Rubidoux" by The Cold War Kids
"Dekota", "Long Way Around", and "Nothing Compares To You" (Cover) by Stereophonics
"Underground", "Philosophy", "Song For The Dumped", and "Battle Of Who Could Care Less" by Ben Folds Five
The Black Holes and Revelations album by Muse

Acting on The Brew; A Christian Will Ferrell; So Many Songs, So Many Issues

I posted Shannon Neffendorf's critique of acting, "Acting To Shatter The Soul" on The Brew.

Watch for more this month. There's still plenty to come.

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I watched Winter Passing last night was amazed. Will Ferrel does another restrained turn (like in Stranger Than Fiction), this time playing a bassist from a Christian rock band, Punching Pilate. His character is so nuanced and subtle, but is the most accurate and sympathetic portrayal of a Christian I've ever seen.

The rest of the movie is a pretty good indie drama. There's some great literary one-liners and great acting. Though, some might be disturbed by a scene where a dying kitten is euthanized (nothing graphic).

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So I bought a subscription to a music service (and am quietly proud to not use I-Tunes) and am obtaining music more legally.

I'm amazed to find the most random tracks ("Super Bon Bon" by the defunct Soul Coughing and a spooky piano and distorted guitar track from the 28 Days Later SDTRK). I also can't believe the wealth of music that is out there. I can get just about anything I can think of (though I'm having some trouble finding some older Christian rock songs: Bleach, Silage, etc.).

I'm also reading through Ecclesiastes with some guys I'm in a Bible study with. I'm digesting the expected "Life if meaningless" and "Only God can provide meaning" ideas. And then I'm seeing those idea apply to my music downloading.

I can download all the music that my laptop can hold, but will it really make me happy? And if I do download all that I can think of, God can add meaning to it all and use it for good.

Oh, the joys of having such a dualistic and complicated faith. But I don't think I would have it be any less complicated.

Christploitation On The Brew; MuteMath and Transformers

Yeah, there's such a word; and such a genre of film. New author Ian North explains it on The Brew.

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I found out MuteMath did the theme song for the new Transformers movie. Don't know what to think of it.

New Brew; Crazy News; Christian Music

I just posted new author Dave Fischer's article "Arrival, Departure and Places In-Between" on The Brew.

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More Crazy News:

A Japanese idea to deal with overpopulation.

How a little suburban Dallas town is dealing with illegal immigration.

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During the last week and half I immersed myself in everything Delirious? to get ready to interview them on Wednesday. I haven't been a big fan of worship music, and I usually gravitate toward most anything darker or edgier. But Delirious? grew on me, especially their most recent album The Mission Bell. There's plenty of edgier and darker songs on the album and a good friend of mine describe the album as probing the dark side of worship.

This made me realize that I recently had somehow been more willing to listen to Christian music. I even went to a LifeWay store and bought 4 of the clearance CDs: Glo by Delirious?; Drawing Black Lines by Project 86; the untitled debut album by The Benjamin Gate; and a remix cd of John Ruben hits.

Maybe I'm not outright dismissing Christian music as much as I used to. I'd always give lip service to the 'real' artists out there and how they're not becoming products of the record labels desperately trying to keep up with pop culture. But now I'm actually turning to the Christian rock station more often and keeping my radio there.

Maybe it was seeing MuteMath live. Maybe it was the Delirious? binge. Maybe it was Toby Mac's new over-produced-but-catchier-than-classic-Newsboys song "Boomin." If you haven't heard 'Boomin' yet, you've got to check it out for it's sheer audacity and attitude.

New Brew; MuteMath

I posted two articles on The Brew today. The first is the newest article for May's Space issue: "The Truth in Words and Spaces" by new author Kevin Davis. The second is an article submitted for the April Issue which I somehow completely missed. But with the magic of the Internet and a time machine, I posted the article as it should be: classified under the April Issue with the rest of the 2 x 4 articles. (Or if you want the easy route, it's right here.) It's Lonnie's "Leadership At Work," perfect for anyone who has worked in a cubicle.

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I went to go see MuteMath on Friday so this is the post where I tell you how awesome they are (because they were). The energy the 4-person band han was indescribable.

Frenetic would be an understatement. The lead singer jumped, clapped, and mosched all over the stage. At one point, he did handstands on the piano he was pounding, and then began climbing on the wall of lights at the back of the stage.

The drummer was so animated that he had to duct-tap his headphones onto his head.

Here's a clip that was pretty equivalent to the show I saw (including the breaking of the light wall).

New Brew link; Depression Series # 5: The Most Depressing CD You'll Ever Hear

A friend (Mabul) gave me this revealing article from Salon.com on Mark Driscoll, one of the leaders of the Emerging Church. Check it out on The Brew's Culture Tab.
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Here's a more musical side of my Depression Series; an article about a depressing mix CD that I made for myself.

Depression Series # 5: The Most Depressing CD You'll Ever Hear (2004)

As the compact disc ceases spinning in my second-hand stereo, the fog that seemed to have settled over my brain has somehow lifted. The depression that plagued me as that hour-long CD began has dissipated after listening to this sanctifying music. Something in that music escorted me out of the maze of self-centered thoughts and enabled me to see that there is an entire world outside of my own small experience that I was created to participate in.

The self-created compilation CD is a grouping of some of the most depressing music I have ever heard. And I thank God for it. Somehow, by creating a playlist of downer-type music, I was able to give a form to my depression and express what I could not quite put into words.

Aimee Mann begins the mix with three tracks of her breathy and weary voice from the "Magnolia" soundtrack. "One," "Save Me," and "Wise Up" speak from the other side of some wrenching emotional turmoil with pessimism and honesty that shines a light on whatever sorrows that may exist in my own life. By being able to step back and see hurt, angst and a reason for both, I can start to understand the darker feelings that lurk underneath my radar; the feelings that I might try to hide or ignore.

More songs on the CD are merely for atmosphere and tone, but encourage the mellow state of mind needed to identify issues I may be having. Gary Jules' remake of "Mad, Mad World," Jeff Buckley's "Halleluiah," and a healthy dose of Radiohead each help me to cry out that something is wrong and then take steps to do something about it. And just in case I'm in the mood, U2's "Numb" reassures me that other people know what it's like to feel a certain way.

Yet, the point of the CD is not to make you so depressed you become paralyzed with self-absorbed thoughts. I listen to such a compilation to express what's wrong and then do something about it. That's why interspersed in the mix are songs to help turn my thoughts back to the world outside my own private prison. This world is where Christ's supernatural power can reach into my natural world and fix the self-destructive thoughts.

A large portion of these songs come from Waterdeep's "Everyone's Beautiful" album, a rare find in the mostly superficial world of contemporary Christian music. This rarely-heard band honestly addresses sin, doubt and anger in "Confessions of a Broken Down Man" and the title track from the CD. "He Will Come," which follows the other two songs, serves as a reminder of what I can look forward to in the midst of the daily battle against the small frustrations or unrealistic expectations that could drag a person down.

Also on the CD are more expressions of pain but in the context of crying out to God and asking for help. Tracks such as the driving, industrial "Chronic" by Sarah Jahn and the raw, lamenting "One Lonely Visitor" by Chevelle help with the complexities of sorting through emotions and what we think we know about God. And an obvious but much needed "Grace" by the now defunct Normals reminds me of the one supernatural gift that can trump any chemical imbalance I might have in my head.

To finish off the disc is a suite of songs from Sarah Groves' "All Right Here" album that specifically speaks about depression and God having a reason for letting some people suffer with this ailment. The last song of my compilation, being what will stay in your brain the longest after the music stops, is "You Cannot Loose My Love;" a song that admits to loosing everything from innocence to direction but never God's love.

This combination of music is what has helped so many times to express the unknown hurt that lingers some days. It is an hour-long therapy session that lets me travel into the darker regions of my psyche without getting lost. By making this CD, I could let the hurt be expressed by expert singer/songwriters and then end the compilation with a reminder of why I have so great a salvation: to let my thoughts be transformed by Christ's amazing Spirit. And whether or not I am cured of depression or end up living the rest of my life with it, this CD is a reminder that I will be a shinning example of how Christ's power is made perfect in mental weakness.

Afraid of the Dark Pt.1

(This may seem like it was written in fast forward mode.)

I was scrubbing my dirty bathtub with Clorox bleach cleaner on Saturday. I had a good start to my day with two cups of Arabian Mocha Sanani and my compartmentalized time with God.

I had a rock station playing while I scrubbed. A dark, pulsating industrial tune began playing and I recognized it as "No. 1 Fan" by Garbage. " I would die for you...I would cry for you...I would crawl on hands and feet until I bleed." The words were acidic, gothic and disturbing but the music was entrancing.

I remembered then how much I like darker music like Garbage, Linkin Park or any other secular band that honestly devles into the darkness of this life. I can't get enough of this darker music. I confess that most of my regular digest of music now is not produced by someone who follows Christ. And I'm okay with that.

Naturally, there are dangers to such a diet at this. The constant hopeless messages or depressing conclusions could easily begin to convert one's ways of thinking. A friend of mine realized this and is fasting from secular music for his health (see Trent's blog on the list of links further down the page).

But there is a tendency in Christian music to be afraid of the dark. Afraid of those honest but dangerous expeditions into the treacherous land of human emotion and experience. Sadly, there are followers of Christ who have adopted the ancient idea that the spiritual life should be more important the physical or human life. The messy, the torturous , the mindfield that is our God-given emotions are ignored or suppressed with zeal. And much to the detriment of a person's entire being.

I know this lifestyle all too well, having zealously pursued it for a period of time. But thankfully, I matured in my understanding of theology, humanity and where and how those two things intersect. I am thankful for a high school english teacher, with his long hippie hair and his own rock band, for getting me hooked onto Led Zeppelin. I am thankful for those trepidations first steps of buying a Moby CD and a Radiohead album. I am thankful for the realization that my human emotions need to be included in my spiritual life and should be explored in order to benefit my spiritual maturity.

And not all of my bridges from the world of Christian music have been burned; only about 81% percent of them. Those 81% were bridges that led me away from music that simplified too much; that formulaized too much; that was too afraid to venture out into the unknown territory of emotions. The remaining passages still receive traffic when a band can creatively or honestly sing of the spiritual life and man's eternal crusade to be redeemed.

Christian music that isn't afraid of the dark sits right beside other musicians, like Ben Folds or Ray Lamontagne, who aren't either.