Tears of Joy

So I nearly cried during church this morning. I think it was for a couple of reasons.
There was a lot of stuff happening that had built to a climax and it just came together during one of the most refreshing worship services I’ve been to in a long time.

That service was at my church but was different than usual because the associate pastor, who was recently put in charge of structuring the worship service, preached today. In all honesty, this associate pastor is one of the main reasons that I stayed at my church. It was great to worship in the service he put together and then also hear him preach. And that last sentence might be the first time I’ve used ‘worship’ to describe something that I’ve done, rather than some nebulous concept.

What made this moment so encouraging and humbling was my past week. Earlier in the week, some hackers broke into the server that hosts The Brew, my online magazine, and did some royal technical damage (Here is what it looks like now). My friend, who takes care of the technical side of The Brew, told me that we might have to restart the magazine. This could mean that I would have to repost and re-enter all the articles and author profiles from the last ten months. We’d be pretty much starting over.

About the same time, my ’99 Hyundai Elantra decided to start overheating. I had some people from church check it out and we tried some small solutions to fix it, though they ultimately didn’t work. So I took my car, which has survived three 1,000-mile, cross country drives, in to the shop to get fixed. They told me that I needed a new water pump and thermostat. They also needed to replace my timing belt, which they said they had to replace after removing it (in order to replace the water pump). The boss at the Meineke store I took my car to told me that he would eat the cost of the belt (including the labor, which was over $70/hr) because he had already had to call me once to add on more parts/charges.

More than $600 later, my car was working, but I had to adjust my plans for a ‘mystery outing’ for the college group that I help out with. I cancelled the dinner I had planned and instead planned to go to a coffee house that had bad coffee but good live music. And for a while, I wasn’t sure anyone would come, because I hadn’t heard any response. I was almost ready to have no one show up and be ready to do something else that night.
But lo and behold, at the set time, they show up and we have a very cool night.

I got to thinking about all the problems that came up this week and the some of the wrong thoughts that came up. A good friend of mine kept calling throughout the week to see how I was doing because he knew of my past with depression. And then I realized how all the strife of this week could have crippled me or sent me into a depressive state. I could have thought that I was overwhelmed with all that was going wrong. I could have thought that I was stuck and helpless to do anything.

But what happened instead: people from my church were very willing to help me with my car. Guys from a church-less Bible study I go to kept checking on me to see how I was doing and offer encouragement. I saw how community works. I saw how the church should work. And I saw how car troubles or magazine glitches didn’t set me off like they could have.

So I guess that is rolling with the punches. Or maturing. Or getting even further down the road from things that could bring back depression.

And that is definitely something that warrants tears of joy.