I've been re-reading a journal I've kept that's covered the last two and half years of my life. I've found some pretty strong stuff that's encouraging and challenging.
It seems it's always good to remember the past, for all it's struggles and joys, because the past defines who you are and how you handle the present. On a less philosophical note, you can also learn from your mistakes and, hopefully, not make them again.
Here's some excerpts:
"A friend's words came back to me (concerning worship): Even if your not truly in it, you're speaking words of truth (and that means something). 'Half of everyone else in the room probably didn't do their devos this morning either.'
"The idea of God using us in spite of ourselves seems to connect here. Like the whiskey priest in Greene's The Power and The Glory. He was drunk half of his life and he still had to be a priest to so many people. He had to give last rites, communion and hear confessions and baptize hundreds while he himself was far from being right with God. He was distrusting of the guy with the two yellow teeth (instead of loving); he was a coward when it came to his duty (instead of bravely performing his duty); he merely went through the motions of doing mass for a few small villagers (instead of faithfully putting all the meaning into the acts and truly talking to God).
"Even me writing this page and a half on the subject could be evidence. I'm writing up a storm on my 'bad day'. But, as I remember more, I always write more and can think with more clarity when things are wrong. But I have to write everyday, whether or not I think I have time. Writing is just as important as reading my Bible or praying..."
....
"And last night I talked to (a guy who had left stuff on my floor at school). Another friend had given me the idea and all I thought to ask about was his stuff. But when he answered, he seemed so relieved and encouraged. He even went through the 'I was gonna call you' routine. He told me about his year and how it was rough but refining. I felt bad for calling him about when he was going to pick up his stuff. But he was still encouraged and flattered that I called him. Call me the whiskey priest again."
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
A King's Religion
Wes Craven grew up in a fundamentalist Baptist home. Stephen King grew up in the Methodist church. Who woulda’ thunk it?
Although I’ve yet to see some ripples of that upbringing in Red Eye, Scream or Nightmare on Elm Street, I have seen them in a novel by King and in his memoir On Writing.
It made me seriously consider where King’s life may lay; but only for an hour or so. I finished Desperation and then realized my delusions of spiritual grandeur. King may be been brought up in the as a Methodist but the ripples of his rearing didn’t flow into what I wanted to see in his novel.
Like countless other believers, I wanted to see some sense of spiritual truth in some celebrity to make my faith seem more real, more authentic. As if some celebrity could truly authentic anything except the shallow vacuousness of celebrity. But I read between the lines to find it anyway.
Probably not since The Stand has King written something so overtly religious as Desperation. The premise is easy: a cast of random characters is imprisoned by a devilishly supernatural cop in a small mining town where something sinister was dug up in the mines.
The leader of the survivors is a pre-adolescent boy named David Carver, who, a year or two earlier, had a conversion experience where his prayer of faith miraculously healed a friend who was deathly ill. David had then had regular meetings with a priest to dialogue about faith. That faith is what makes for some dramatic, although sometimes silly scenes in the book.
All of the survivors were locked away in prison cells when David had a vision, or heard a voice direct him to a bar of Irish Spring soap in his cell. So he stripped down, soaped up and began to slip through the steel bars. And somehow, miraculously, his head was able to squeeze through as well. He said later that God directed him to the soap which enabled to escape the prison and find keys to free everyone else.
The oddest scene was in an abandoned theatre where all the survivors had holed up to escape the cop. People were looking for food and found a sleeve of Ritz crackers and a couple of cans of sardines. Before devouring the only food everyone had had in over twelve hours, David thought of asking the blessing on the food. After quelling objections from some of the people, David prayed and asked a blessing. Then one person began passing around the bag. Somehow, everyone was able to take from the sleeve of Ritz and all received a can of sardines. Somehow, the brown paper bag never ran out of sardines and crackers.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or get upset at that. Or if I should really do either.
So there were some other religious imagery scattered throughout the novel but they all seemed to be disconnected and disjointed. They didn’t flow together in some bigger picture or prove to work together to make some kind of religious point. They were merely plot devices without any meaning.
This can only be expected considering how King writes. He prefers to not plot out his stories but only try to develop his characters. This isn’t a horrible way to write but then the story can almost seem aimless.
In spite of the aimless imagery, King did have a little redeeming theology that was worked into the story. David Carver and another of the survivors, a cocky writer surely to be modeled after part of King’s own personality, came to the conclusion that God can be cruel but refining. This was the one redeeming facet to the seven hundred pages of horrific and Texas Chainsaw Massacre-like gore.
Another revealing passage on King’s religious beliefs came in the middle of On Writing. King was hired to move some furniture to make ends meet during his early writing career. He was in the trailer home of the mom of a girl that gave King the idea for writing Carrie. Inside the trailer was an ugly crucifix:
“Dominating the trailer’s living room was a nearly life-sized crucified Jesus, eyes turned up, mouth turned down, blood dribbling from beneath the crown of thorns on his head. He was naked except for a rag twisted around his hips and loins. Above this bit of breechclout were the hollowed belly and the jutting ribs of a concentration-camp inmate. It occurred to me that Sondra (the girl who inspired Carrie) had grown up beneath the agonal gaze of this dying god, and doing so had undoubtedly played a part in making her what she was when I knew her: a timid and homely outcast who went scuttling through the halls of Lisbon High like frightened mouse.
‘That’s Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior,’ Sondra’s mother said, following my gaze. ‘Have you been saved, Steve?’
I hastened to tell her I was saved as saved could be, although I didn’t think you could ever be good enough to have that version of Jesus intervene on your behalf. The pain had driven him out of is mind. You could see it in his face. If that guy came back, he probably wouldn’t be in a saving mood.”
Although I’ve yet to see some ripples of that upbringing in Red Eye, Scream or Nightmare on Elm Street, I have seen them in a novel by King and in his memoir On Writing.
It made me seriously consider where King’s life may lay; but only for an hour or so. I finished Desperation and then realized my delusions of spiritual grandeur. King may be been brought up in the as a Methodist but the ripples of his rearing didn’t flow into what I wanted to see in his novel.
Like countless other believers, I wanted to see some sense of spiritual truth in some celebrity to make my faith seem more real, more authentic. As if some celebrity could truly authentic anything except the shallow vacuousness of celebrity. But I read between the lines to find it anyway.
Probably not since The Stand has King written something so overtly religious as Desperation. The premise is easy: a cast of random characters is imprisoned by a devilishly supernatural cop in a small mining town where something sinister was dug up in the mines.
The leader of the survivors is a pre-adolescent boy named David Carver, who, a year or two earlier, had a conversion experience where his prayer of faith miraculously healed a friend who was deathly ill. David had then had regular meetings with a priest to dialogue about faith. That faith is what makes for some dramatic, although sometimes silly scenes in the book.
All of the survivors were locked away in prison cells when David had a vision, or heard a voice direct him to a bar of Irish Spring soap in his cell. So he stripped down, soaped up and began to slip through the steel bars. And somehow, miraculously, his head was able to squeeze through as well. He said later that God directed him to the soap which enabled to escape the prison and find keys to free everyone else.
The oddest scene was in an abandoned theatre where all the survivors had holed up to escape the cop. People were looking for food and found a sleeve of Ritz crackers and a couple of cans of sardines. Before devouring the only food everyone had had in over twelve hours, David thought of asking the blessing on the food. After quelling objections from some of the people, David prayed and asked a blessing. Then one person began passing around the bag. Somehow, everyone was able to take from the sleeve of Ritz and all received a can of sardines. Somehow, the brown paper bag never ran out of sardines and crackers.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or get upset at that. Or if I should really do either.
So there were some other religious imagery scattered throughout the novel but they all seemed to be disconnected and disjointed. They didn’t flow together in some bigger picture or prove to work together to make some kind of religious point. They were merely plot devices without any meaning.
This can only be expected considering how King writes. He prefers to not plot out his stories but only try to develop his characters. This isn’t a horrible way to write but then the story can almost seem aimless.
In spite of the aimless imagery, King did have a little redeeming theology that was worked into the story. David Carver and another of the survivors, a cocky writer surely to be modeled after part of King’s own personality, came to the conclusion that God can be cruel but refining. This was the one redeeming facet to the seven hundred pages of horrific and Texas Chainsaw Massacre-like gore.
Another revealing passage on King’s religious beliefs came in the middle of On Writing. King was hired to move some furniture to make ends meet during his early writing career. He was in the trailer home of the mom of a girl that gave King the idea for writing Carrie. Inside the trailer was an ugly crucifix:
“Dominating the trailer’s living room was a nearly life-sized crucified Jesus, eyes turned up, mouth turned down, blood dribbling from beneath the crown of thorns on his head. He was naked except for a rag twisted around his hips and loins. Above this bit of breechclout were the hollowed belly and the jutting ribs of a concentration-camp inmate. It occurred to me that Sondra (the girl who inspired Carrie) had grown up beneath the agonal gaze of this dying god, and doing so had undoubtedly played a part in making her what she was when I knew her: a timid and homely outcast who went scuttling through the halls of Lisbon High like frightened mouse.
‘That’s Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior,’ Sondra’s mother said, following my gaze. ‘Have you been saved, Steve?’
I hastened to tell her I was saved as saved could be, although I didn’t think you could ever be good enough to have that version of Jesus intervene on your behalf. The pain had driven him out of is mind. You could see it in his face. If that guy came back, he probably wouldn’t be in a saving mood.”
Monday, September 05, 2005
Prayers...
Here's a couple prayers I put together for a congregational prayer section of my church's service. It was great to be able to write it out and organize it all.
May 2005
The Lord will roar from on high and from his holy habitation utter his voice; he will roar mightily against his fold and shout against all the inhabitants of the earth. The clamor will resound to the ends of the earth, for the Lord has an indictment against the nations, he is entering into judgment with all flesh, and the wicked he will put to the sword.
O, Lord, how mighty is your power and your wrath for none can stand against your holiness. Yet in your complexity, you are everlastingly love.
The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression. He will pardon the iniquity of his people, according to the greatness of his steadfast love, just as he has forgiven his people, from Egypt until now.
Your love draws even the most unloveables to You. You pardon our sins without keeping record. Your complexity knows no bounds and we are blessed to understand what little our finite minds can grasp. The only way to comprehend what we can of You is to hold all your abilities and characteristics in tension through the wisdom from your Spirit. It is through that tension that we can fathom our lostness and your grace; our being redeemed but not yet complete; your coming to earth in our decayable flesh and your perfect, final return. It is in your complexity that we can understand how you cursed a fruitless fig tree that withered away to its roots yet fully restored the withered hand of a shamed man at the synagogue. Your fury, love, wrath and grace are wonderful things.
We ask for a glimpse of your greater plan of redemption so we can know how to better serve you in our short time on earth. Help us to see the people you’ve placed in our lives that need to hear Your truth and give us courage to speak that truth.
And lastly, blanket us with your wisdom so we can continue to understand all your complexities and how they all fit together in a giant plan that we will probably never be able to view as a whole in this life.
Aug. 2005
It seems that we are always the prodigal son returning to our loving father with our heads held low in shame. For we know how righteous and holy You are and how much an affront our sin is to you. It seems like just yesterday we had squandered the grace and mercy you cloaked us with when we returned the last time and are again in need of redemption.
But what this repetition has made us forget is that your forgiveness and love are the same as the last time we came trudging home. Your unceasing, unconditional love is there, waiting to rejoice at the sight of us confessing our sins and admitting that we can’t save ourselves. You are eagerly awaiting the moment when you can kill the fatted calf in celebration of our returning to you. You never grow tired of forgiving us and giving more grace for us to be the holy people we ought to be.
Thank you for the joy and hope we have in being loved by you. It is so easy to be overwhelmed by the guilt of our sins that we forget the true nature of your love. We forget that your grace exists to help us to be more than human and to exhibit your holiness. We forget that the joy and peace with our sometimes turbulent lives is what can attract other to you. The true happiness in spite of our humanness is what calls people to find where our hope comes from.
We ask that we understand and remember the joy that comes from being forgiven and are able to exhibit that joy to all those you bring into our lives.
May 2005
The Lord will roar from on high and from his holy habitation utter his voice; he will roar mightily against his fold and shout against all the inhabitants of the earth. The clamor will resound to the ends of the earth, for the Lord has an indictment against the nations, he is entering into judgment with all flesh, and the wicked he will put to the sword.
O, Lord, how mighty is your power and your wrath for none can stand against your holiness. Yet in your complexity, you are everlastingly love.
The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression. He will pardon the iniquity of his people, according to the greatness of his steadfast love, just as he has forgiven his people, from Egypt until now.
Your love draws even the most unloveables to You. You pardon our sins without keeping record. Your complexity knows no bounds and we are blessed to understand what little our finite minds can grasp. The only way to comprehend what we can of You is to hold all your abilities and characteristics in tension through the wisdom from your Spirit. It is through that tension that we can fathom our lostness and your grace; our being redeemed but not yet complete; your coming to earth in our decayable flesh and your perfect, final return. It is in your complexity that we can understand how you cursed a fruitless fig tree that withered away to its roots yet fully restored the withered hand of a shamed man at the synagogue. Your fury, love, wrath and grace are wonderful things.
We ask for a glimpse of your greater plan of redemption so we can know how to better serve you in our short time on earth. Help us to see the people you’ve placed in our lives that need to hear Your truth and give us courage to speak that truth.
And lastly, blanket us with your wisdom so we can continue to understand all your complexities and how they all fit together in a giant plan that we will probably never be able to view as a whole in this life.
Aug. 2005
It seems that we are always the prodigal son returning to our loving father with our heads held low in shame. For we know how righteous and holy You are and how much an affront our sin is to you. It seems like just yesterday we had squandered the grace and mercy you cloaked us with when we returned the last time and are again in need of redemption.
But what this repetition has made us forget is that your forgiveness and love are the same as the last time we came trudging home. Your unceasing, unconditional love is there, waiting to rejoice at the sight of us confessing our sins and admitting that we can’t save ourselves. You are eagerly awaiting the moment when you can kill the fatted calf in celebration of our returning to you. You never grow tired of forgiving us and giving more grace for us to be the holy people we ought to be.
Thank you for the joy and hope we have in being loved by you. It is so easy to be overwhelmed by the guilt of our sins that we forget the true nature of your love. We forget that your grace exists to help us to be more than human and to exhibit your holiness. We forget that the joy and peace with our sometimes turbulent lives is what can attract other to you. The true happiness in spite of our humanness is what calls people to find where our hope comes from.
We ask that we understand and remember the joy that comes from being forgiven and are able to exhibit that joy to all those you bring into our lives.
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