BORED WRITER WRITES

Chicago--Chicago world wide web servers crashed on Jan. 1 when a record number of readers accessed the Internet to read the newly-published Beach Picayune online.

Internet service providers worked for fourteen hours on the first day fo 2005 to restore an overstressed system that shutdown at 12:01 a.m.

"It was like Y2K fear, only real," said Roger McSturm, CEO of SBC for the Chicago land area. Hundreds of millions were reported to have accessed the Beach Picayune website at the stroke of midnight, causing an evenutal shutdown of the internet.

The shutdown continued for nine hours as each time zone in the United States attempted to access the Picayune website at midnight.

"We just underestimated the popularity of this middle child reporter and his website," McSturm said. "Who would've guessed that people would want to read what some bored writer writes about as an armchair critic."

"I just couldn't wait to read the news in the Beach Picayune," said Susan Housewife, of Des Moines, Iowa. "The sharp reporting on the role of the religion in everyday life is enthralling. And the editorials are so affirming to middle children all over the country."

Chicago area readers remained in front of their computers Dec. 31, rather than patronize a New Year's Eve celebration or watch the fireworks launched near Navy Pier. Millions sat with mouse buttons poised on the "Refresh" button to restore the web page which was unavailable until midnight.

"I've seen enough fireworks in Chicago," said Rogers Park resident Stan Stanislaw. "I couldn't wait for the fireworks that would burst into my heart after reading true or not-so-true stories of what goes in Chicago police stations. And what better way to support a bored writer than to visit his website and stroke his creative genius ego."

"I'm still amazed that the Beach Picayune could shut down the Internet for fourteen hours," said McSturm. "I may even start reading it just to see what everyone else is reading. I get the feeling that anyone who is in the know will be reading the Beach Picayune on a weekly basis, even if there's been no new articles posted for a month."

SBC plans to spend millions to strengthen it's networks to better support the Picayune wesite over the coming months.