“In keep open lines to the past, the redeemed memory carries encouragement and conveys warnings and lessons to faith as faith is engaged in fighting at the front line of battle that is the present moment.”
-Os Guiness, God in the Dark.
This comes from the third chapter of Guiness’ book, entitled “Forgetting to Remember: Doubt from Ingratitude.” Reading this book has been revolutionary. What’s crazy is that I feel like (and sound like) I did almost eight years ago as I was starting my Bible school education. Every book was mind-shattering and life-altering.
I remember those days and look back fondly on them, though nowadays I’d say I’m very far from them. I don’t long for that pure milk of anything and gasp when some new truth is revealed to me. I more just long to continue on and not be dragged back into a depressed state that finds it’s cure in never-ending entertainment. God is still there and Christ has still saved me; I’m still redeemed and am being regenerated but I don’t quite feel like it. I’m accustoming myself to having feelings again and trying to sort them out after having turned them off.
I realized that my faith somehow keeps going, inspite of everything that I think would shatter it. My struggles with depression, although ongoing, aren’t as crippling as they once were. Five years after I began struggling with it, I see that life has gone on and I’v figured some things out. I’ve become one of those people I knew way back when who inspired me to keep going. I saw them in their darkest times but then later on, I also saw them able to get back to some kind of functioning faith. Somehow, they were able to deal with their depression or whatever other malady and move on. Time and their faith were able to help them grow.
I’ve more than survived the last five years and that’s something I try to remind myself of. I earned a bachelor’s degree and supported myself for going on three years. I was a freakin’ reporter for the Chicago Tribune for a year. Although I didn’t succeed at this and quit after a year, I didn’t let that send running home to Mom and Dad thinking that I couldn’t accomplish anything with my struggles with depression. And now I’ve up and moved to Texas to take a chance on starting a magazine. Who knows what’ll happen next.
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The Next Big Thing in Texas and then some.
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3 comments:
I deleted the last one b/c I had too many typos...so here it is a "little better"
I know. The Christian life is always, like the cliche, taking three steps forward two steps back...sometimes 14 steps back. I imagine its different for all of us- we're all so different. I process with my feelings,analytical somehow, you process more with your existential bent;somehow still curious.
I know I've shared this with you before, but here it is again:
"The Christian life does not consist of being but becoming,not of victory but of the fight,not of righteousness but of justification, not of comprehending but of stretching forward, not of purity but of purification."- Martin Luther
But we are temporal people- and I think its even harder to wait for something in our day in age. Everything hapens fast- instant mashed potatoes-Ask the farmers in 1700 if they ever thought we could make potatoes out of flakes. It's hard to wait when we don't have to wait for anything these days- we have plastic credit to prove it... but it's in the waiting that God works the most.It's like we build up faith calouses.After some ware they build up. And the next time we get hit in the same spot it doesn't hurt as much because we are being built up. Did you know that trees that grow in contained areas (bio domes?) fall over when they get to tall? Apparently, the wind as a baby tree makes them stronger and the gusts that they can take are only okay for them b/c they are building up resistance. Brings new meaning to Psalm 1.
Okay, I'm done with my sermon. Great post!
yeah you were that person to me, and you continue to be. Thanks bro
the donkey of the ocean
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