MAN SHOT 9 TIMES IN GOOD CONDITION

(The following is what would not make it into the papers about gang initiation in the city.)

Over the weekend there was a report of a young man shot 9 times.

The story unfolded little by little until it was discovered that he was more than likely initiated into a gang.

Saturday night the police scanner squawks out that a person was shot 9 times. He was shot twice in each wrist, four times in the buttocks, and once in the elbow. He was in good condition at a hospital after he "flagged down a passing car and got a ride to the hospital."

The person's description of the shooter was a man wearing a black ski mask and all black clothing, which is not especially common for a city with many, many street gangs. This person would be easy to find, seeing that no one ever wears black ski masks while doing something illegal or wears all-black clothing at night.

Something else very odd was that live ammunition was found at the scene along with spent shell casings. So maybe the shooter happened to absent-mindedly empty out his ammunition sometime during the shooting.

It was later discovered that a way for young punks to get into a gang would be to get shot in the foot, buttocks, or some other non-lethal area of the body. Police see it all the time and almost laugh when a young guy in his 20s shows up at the hospital with a non-lethal gunshot wound. The "victim" usually is not transported by ambulance but by a friend who will drive them to the hospital. The "victim" also is beligerant and refuses to give a good description of who shot them (more than likely because it was a fellow gang member that did the deed or because it was a self-inflicted gunshot wound).

This is just one of the many unsolved mysteries of Chicago, like the city's $225 million dollar debt and a $415 million dollar Millenium Park recently finished.